[Journal] 23 December 2013

Back from camp for a few days now.

It was a nightmare for the first two days, struggling to adapt and eat and all that bullshit. THANKFULLY, my spirits crumbled on the evening of the second night and it was smooth sailing from then on.

During this course of five days of being away, I learned quite a bit from the people around me and from myself.

I learned tolerance. Loads of it. Being a non-smoker, having smoke drift into the bunk I slept in was torturous, but hey, a smoker’s gotta smoke. While it was difficult, I was very happy to actually experience a smoker closing the window for me to prevent the smoke from entering. Just this small act itself proved to me that there are still responsible smokers out there. This small action really left an impression on my mind.

I learned that the only battle I’m fighting is the one against myself. Often, I ask “should I say ?” or “should he know about ?” It’s always a constant struggle, especially when I’m at my lower points, trying to adapt and take in everything that’s around me. In the end, I proved to myself in more than one way how I could push myself from where I stood. Stepping out is never easy, and for me, I need a shove to realize that it really isn’t all that bad.

I suppose, the most important thing learned, is how much having people around helps. Sometimes it does get pretty lonely in the life I lead, barely interacting with anyone. It’s nice to always speak to people about my troubles, although I’m not entirely sure if I spoke to the right people.

Moving forward, I only look forward to strengthening myself both physically and mentally in the new year. There’s so much I want to do and achieve. I want to prove many things to myself. Most importantly, I want to prove that I can excel over who I currently am.

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